Family Council is a big part of my family growing up. "By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners (Declaration on the Family)." (Who is the Boss? Power Relationships in Families).
Our family council was done right before we started Family Home Evening. We would go over our calendar, birthdays that month, and if there were any new information any one needed to share. This was the time my father or mother would bring up anything concerning about someone else in the family or a problem with cutting back on certain things. My parents thought it was good to talk about money, when it was good and not good and didn't hide it from us kids. They felt it was teaching us that when we get older, we may have similar struggles in life. Because they did, it is okay if we did. They never wanted to hide anything from us, as long as it was appropriate.
I am the youngest of 11 children. As soon as my oldest brother came home from his mission, he went off to Brigham Young University (BYU), my parents started the process of treating them like an adult. My parents helped paid for school but if they wanted extra money, they needed to work. That is what he did. He found a job, met a great women, and got married during his final year of school. The rule in my family was, once you got married, my father basically cut you off. We paid for our own way of school and survival once we got married or graduated from college.
"When children become adults, the relationship between parents and children changes. In healthy families, the parents no longer exercise control or expect their adult children to obey them. Of course, parents still have the right to set household rules concerning appropriate behavior in their house, but they no longer have the right or responsibility to tell their adult children what to do. It is now the stewardship of the adult children to make decisions concerning their own families." (
My parents did a great job at setting the expectations that we would be on our own someday. They started the process and slowly let us learn how to take care of ourselves early on.
Unfortunately, my In-laws still try to treat their married children like "Children". It has actually caused a big strain in the extended family relationship. According to the article, Who is the Boss? Power Relationships in Families, by Richard B. Miller, PhD quoted President Kimball saying, "Well-meaning relatives have broken up many a home. Numerous divorces are attributable to the interference of parents who thought they were only protecting their loved children… Live your own life (President Spencer W. Kimball, Marriage, p. 17)". This is serious and I have seen it, not only from my In laws, but from many of my friends and my sister's own relationship. It is becoming more and more of a problem today. What ways do you find boundaries from your In-laws or parents in a loving way?
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