The Natural Man

Over Coming Gridlock:

"When partners can't find a way to accommodate these perpetual disagreements, the result is gridlock." (Gottman)

1. You've had the same argument again and again with no resolution.

2. Neither of you can address the issue with humor, empathy, or affection.

3. The issue is becoming increasingly polarizing as time goes on.

4. Compromise seems impossible because it would mean selling out-giving up something important and core to your beliefs, values, or sense of self.

I believe this to be true. I have hit a wall before with my husband but I have never "Gridlocked" before until recently. My husband is so ambitious and can take a risk that could lose him everything, even his family. I love his dreams and I'm all about letting him do what he wants to do but it finally got to a point where it was wearing on me as a wife and mother. My husband really wanted to start this Roofing business with his twin brother and buddy. I was so against it but he was doing it with or without me. Since he started it, we began to gridlock a lot and it was pushing me to resent the business and him a lot. I felt at a loss and could not reach him. I felt left alone and like it wasn't our marriage anymore. It was his marriage and all the decisions were his and not ours to make anymore. 

"Catherine Thomas observes: Much of the emotional pain that we have does not come from the love that we were not given in the past, but from the love we ourselves are not giving in the present." (Goddard)

I finally was at a breaking point with my husband that I was about to call it quiets after a few years of this behavior until I had a strong impression to pray for my husband and how to understand him, to know if it was right to divorce him. I remember feeling defeated but felt like Heavenly Father was on my side to help me find answers. My husband and I finally came into the "Dreams of Conflict" approach. (Gottman) I was able to share with him how "I felt" and why it was "hurting me". 

President Benson: "You do change human nature, your own human nature, if you surrender it to Christ...And only Christ can change it." (Goddard)

I was able to submit myself to Christ, even when I was at the end of the hurt and confusion. I allowed myself to see what my husband saw into his company and what he was doing with it and how it could help our family. After sometime, I could see all the great he was doing for it and made it a lot of money for the company.

President Benson said: "Men and women who turn their lives over to God will discover that he can make a lot more out of their lives that they can. He will deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, life their spirits, multiply their blessing, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls, raise up friends, and pour out peace, Whoever will lose his life in the service of God will find eternal life." (Goddard)

My husband ended up walking away from the company. He had some issues with the way his partners were handling the company which he gave up everything because he would rather be on good terms and start a new company on his own.  Its hurt him, his twin brother, and buddies relationship but he couldn't stand by and watch what they were doing to the company. It was causing problems with our marriage and family. Of Course It was hard to leave but when we came together and submitted ourselves to the lord, we were able to see the things that once we didn't. We were able to strengthen our marriage with the Lord; we can see the blessing from our submission to the lord and with that we are able to see the progression of the new company we have started.

President Ezra Taft Benson, Past Prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ of Later Day Saints.